If I knew what I know now (Freestyle verse)

If I knew what I know now

If I knew what I know now, I’d be ten steps ahead,  

Would’ve walked a different path, left the nonsense for dead.  

Would’ve studied the ledgers, learned the market instead,  

Not just rapping for respect but for generational bread.  

I was young, full of pride, never questioned the game,  

Chased the hype, not the hustle, now I’m shedding the shame.  

I mistook loud applause for a meaningful name,  

When the real ones move in silence, never flexing for fame.  

Should’ve read between the lines, not just rhymed for the sport,  

Would’ve built my own table, not just waited for forks.  

Could’ve learned from the greats, took the knowledge to court,  

Now I’m catching up in overtime, a scholar of thought.  

But regrets don’t pay bills, so I carry the weight,  

Turn my losses into lessons, every error is fate.  

Now I speak to the youth, put ‘em onto the stakes,  

If I knew what I know now, wouldn’t be running so late.  

This is not where her story ends

 

inspired by *Precious in O Block

I was not there for flesh.

Not there for lust.

I was not hunting for curves under neon lights.

I came for the sound 

basslines beating like blood in my ears,

for smoke curling like secrets in the corners of mouths,

for laughter that hides pain between puffs and poured drinks.

But I saw her.

Saw her before she saw me.

Not her hips.

Not her lips.

Not her trade.

I saw her eyes, I saw the truth.

A whisper of grace wrapped in glittering pain.

I saw through her soul like a window left open in winter.

A girl who may never have planned this path.

A woman who may be forced to make bread out of broken dreams.

So I leaned close,

not like a man with an offer,

but like a brother who sees

a sister slipping under waves.

And I said

"Queen, I apologize for what I am about to say but you do not belong to this wallpapered womb of regret.

This ain't your throne.

This ain't your song.

I don't know your past,

but I can feel your future burning behind your eyes."

She blinked.

Paused.

Swallowed the pain with the beer in her hand.

And I....

I had to leave.

Because my chest was cracking open,

my heart beat like a war drum for a soul I just met.

I ran before I cried.

But when I got home,

I did.

I cried.
And I prayed.
And I wept the way the earth does in spring
not out of weakness,
but because life demands water
for anything to grow.

I don't love her.

But I loved the child in her eyes.

The ghost of a plan never lived.

The hymn trapped in a cage of red lights and rent.

This is not where her story ends.

So I give her my whisper,

my prayer,

my poem.

Because sometimes,

a stranger’s truth

is the only bridge out of the fire.

*Name had to be changed for Privacy reasons

She Doesn't Belong Here

I walked through doors where shadows play,

Not to be lost, but drift, not stray.

Music was loud, the smoke was thick,

But something in my chest felt sick.

In the noise, the lights, the crowd,

My soul felt quiet, though life was loud.

there she sat, her eyes looked down,

A quiet queen without a crown.

No words were said, but I could tell,

She hides a story she can’t sell.

Her eyes, like glass, held silent pain,

A heavy heart caught in the rain.

I sat beside her, soft and near,

And whispered words she had to hear:

“You don’t belong in places so dark,

Your soul still holds a bright burning spark.”

“I do not know the path you chose,

Or how you bloomed among these thorns and woes,

But deep inside, you still can rise,

A fallen star can light the skies.”

She didn’t speak, just drank her beer,

But I saw truth behind her tear.

We shared a hug, then I walked out,

My heart now full, my mind in doubt.

I prayed for her beneath the moon,

I cried alone in my small room.

Why did I feel so much compassion that night?

Because her pain had matched my light.

Some souls we meet, not just by chance,

They cross our path to break the trance.

She may forget me, time may fade

But in my heart, her light has stayed.

Cracks

 

In life, there are cracks here and there. The tricky part about them is knowing which ones are necessary, what to do with them, and precisely how and when to act.

Some cracks need to be filled, while some must be left as they are. This is because they let the sunshine in when we need it. Others allow raindrops when we least desire them, depending on the time and place. When we least expect it, they lead the way, guiding us to the path we need to navigate to our ultimate destinations.

So, in a nutshell, we need to study situations fully before acting upon them decisively. It's tricky how the previous solution may not always be the accurate one, depending on the time, place, and, of course, the situation.

The mess is always in our messages, but knowing how to decode and encode them is an art on its own. And no one is here to teach you but yourself, so stay alert. 

Make decisions, and even if they turn out to be mistakes, there are lessons to be learned from everything. Rebuild yourself. At the end of this chapter, I'd like to reintroduce myself as the Mystical Phoenix, as I am rebuilding from the ashes of the last "life."

By "life," I am specifically referring to the combined previous years of my existence and all the highlights that, as different themes, have affected who I was and who I am becoming. I'm the same "old soul" with new insight, a new touch, and a new approach, and the aim is still to push and lift the rock of reproach for rebirth. 🐦‍🔥

My name is Mohlalefi Motsima. Like any other snail moving slowly toward a direction, please be sure that I am here to leave my mark, whether I make it in time or not.

Peace in These Pieces

 

Verse 1: 

Affection assassinates - I'm too altruistic,

My heart’s a hostage, held in halls of the mystic.

Trust is a toxin, truth turns me timid,

I'm torn between temples and tenets I never admitted.

Selfless to a fault, like saints in the scriptures,

But pain paints poems in paradox pictures.

Peace in these pieces? A puzzle with pride,

I’m a prophet at war with the pulse that's inside.

I Can’t fake the funk, no fraud in the frame,

I’m flames in the forge — ain't a fraud in my name.

Half-hearted? Never. My art’s in ascension,

Each line a lesson, I’m the class in the tension.

Lifelong learner with a page as my preacher,

Pen bleeds purpose, every phrase is a feature.

Chapter begins — I’m the ink and the plot,

A phoenix with pens, I’m what legends forgot.

(ad-libs):

Yeah... that’s grown man talk...

"Peace costs pain, bruh..."

"Write through the war, my dawg..."

Verse 2: 

I spoke to the stars and they echoed my ache,

Soft-spoken soldier with a weapon of grace.

Love is my labor, but it labors me too,

Plant seeds in the soil just to pray they break through.

Balance is delicate, dance on a blade,

My spirit been tired, but I still give it praise.

Can't build on betrayal — that base too brittle,

Still I lace these riddles like sacred scribbles.

All I ever gave was soul, no filter,

Each line laced with a lifetimes elixir.

Can't numb the truth, I feel it like thunder,

Peace isn't soft, it's forged in hunger.

I'm not pretending, I'm not pretending,

If I give, it's whole — no piece for lending.

This the chapter of fire, the page don't fold,

I walk through the silence with faith untold.

(ad-libs)

"Sheesh… speak that spirit."

"That’s royalty right there…"

"Truth don’t need no armor."

Verse 3: 

Peace in these pieces? Nah, that’s a paradox, where trauma been tap dancing in a pair of socks.

I write with the ghosts of the gods in my margins, the ink in my pen got the weight of a Martian.

I gave more than I got, that’s a lopsided ledger,

Still built an empire with bars and no measure.

Every verse is a vessel, a blessing in code,

I spit manuscripts molded from pressure and cold.

I’m the sum of my scars, ain’t no shame in that math,Each wound is a glyph, every line is a path.

I don’t rhyme, I resurface with purpose and wrath, took the pain, made a prism, broke the cycle in half.

Yeah, I'm calm now — but don't mistake still for settled, still got fire in my belly, ink heavy as metal.

It's chess, not checkers, I sacrifice kings, For the peace I been searching’ in these symphonies I sing.

 

They Judge the Hustle, Not the Money

In a world where money is a daily necessity for survival, judgment seems to be prevalent in every endeavor one embarks on to earn it. Whether it's for extravagant spending, paying rent, securing household essentials, or even investing for the future, the method you choose to put money in your account or pocket often comes with scrutiny.

"They judge the hustle, not the money" – this statement resonates deeply. It highlights the importance of aligning your means of earning with your values. Choosing a path that doesn't conflict with your moral compass and allows you to maintain a clean conscience is paramount, because at the end of the day, we all need money to live.

I've observed how people's perceptions can shift drastically depending on how you earn your living. For instance, someone making money through recycling plastic products and cans might be viewed as being at the bottom of the economic ladder. Similarly, a motor mechanic might be judged for being perpetually covered in grease and grime, as if their job involved pristine cleanliness. However, this judgment often takes a curious turn when money is involved.

Walk into a club, pub, or social gathering, and suddenly, the origin of your funds becomes less important. More often than not, the same people who might have cast judgmental glances are now eager to offer a hug, share your table, and engage in conversation, happily accepting drinks bought with the very money they seemed to scorn earlier. See how that judgment simply evaporates?

My friends, I urge you to respect the process and appreciate the results. It's perfectly acceptable to have money; life isn't meant to be a constant struggle. The goal is to enjoy it, and to do so, getting your priorities in order is crucial.  

Above all, maintaining a clear conscience is everything. So, if getting your hands dirty is what it takes to achieve that, then so be it.

Stranger

Stranger yet a Familiar Soul?

Have you ever met someone and felt an instant, inexplicable connection? It's a feeling that tugs at your heart, a sense of familiarity that defies logic. It's like recognizing a familiar face in a crowd, only this time, the recognition transcends the physical realm, hinting at a deep connection beyond memory.

We've all experienced that moment when we think, "Sometimes, I feel like you are not a stranger to my soul, though our physical selves are unfamiliar." It's as if we've never met in the flesh, yet our souls recognize each other. Perhaps our souls are too ancient for our conscious memory to remember our past lives, but I'm certain as hell we've been together, somewhere, somehow. While we can barely access those moments vividly, yet our souls seem to reconnect.

It's a strange and beautiful sensation, isn't it?

A feeling that we've known this person for lifetimes, even though our paths have only just crossed in this physical reality. We find ourselves drawn to them, understanding their thoughts and feelings with an ease that surprises even ourselves. 

I've experienced this more than once, and even now, as I write, I'm amazed, as if I'm navigating a maze of relived memories. As the poet Rumi eloquently stated:

"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."

This quote beautifully encapsulates the feeling of recognizing a kindred spirit, someone whose essence resonates with our own. It suggests that perhaps our souls have been interconnected all along, waiting for the opportune moment to recognize each other in this lifetime.

Perhaps it's a shared history, a past life connection, or simply a deep understanding of each other's souls. Whatever the reason, this feeling of familiarity transcends the boundaries of time and space. It reminds us that we are all interconnected, that there's a deeper level of connection that goes beyond the superficial.

I have a friend named Michelle. I'll admit, as I've mentioned in past blog (entries not explicitly), I've experimented with psychedelics. With that out of the way, Michelle and I can be together for hours without exchanging a word. 

Should either of us need anything—whether it's to vent or anything similar—we intuitively know, almost through instant telepathy. Be it a shared desire for a smoke, a drink, to vent, or anything else, we understand each other. 

I often attribute it to our shared astrological sign, as we're both Aquarians. She calls me her spiritual animal, and I, jokingly, call her Michigan.

These connections can be transformative, offering us profound insights into ourselves and the world around us. They can challenge our beliefs, expand our perspectives, and inspire us to grow in ways we never thought possible. When we encounter someone who feels familiar to our soul, it's an invitation to explore the depths of our own being and to embrace the mystery of human connection.

So, the next time you meet someone and feel that undeniable spark, that sense of familiarity that defies explanation, embrace it. Allow yourself to explore the connection, to delve into the depths of your shared understanding. Who knows? You might just be reconnecting with a soul you've known for lifetimes.

So in closing I'd like to quote the book of Hebrews 13:2 in the Bible, which reads as follows "Be sure to welcome strangers into your home. By doing this, some people have welcomed angels as guests, without even knowing it."

FAITH LIVES IN YOU

Faith Lives in You, but It Needs a Spark

Faith is a powerful force that resides within you, a beacon that guides you through life’s uncertainties. However, it often lies asleep, waiting for the right conditions to awaken it. 

These preconditions, whether they are words of encouragement, a supportive environment, or a moment of clarity, can ignite the fire of belief within you, propelling you into action. Yet, the challenge lies in sustaining this faith, as it can sometimes wane, requiring you to recharge and revive it.

"Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark." — Rabindranath Tagore

THE AWAKENING OF FAITH

Imagine faith as a seed buried deep within you. It has the potential to grow into a mighty tree, but it needs the right soil, water, and sunlight to flourish. The preconditions that awaken your faith are like these essential elements. They can come in many forms.

1. Words of Encouragement: A kind word from a friend, a motivational speech, or a heartfelt letter can remind you of your worth and potential.

2. Supportive Environments: Being surrounded by people who believe in you and a community that fosters growth can provide the nurturing ground for your faith to take root.

3. Moments of Clarity: Sometimes, a single moment of insight or a profound experience can shift your perspective, making you realize what you are capable of.

THE KINETIC NATURE OF FAITH

Once your faith is awakened, it can be a powerful catalyst for action. 

It transforms your potential into kinetic energy, driving you forward. You begin to believe in yourself and your abilities, and this belief translates into tangible results. 

You might start a new project, take on a challenging task, or even make a significant life change. The energy of faith is contagious, and it can inspire those around you to believe in their own potential as well.

THE NEED FOR RECHARGE.

However, the journey of faith is not always a straight path. There are times when the fire within you may dim, and you might find yourself questioning your beliefs and abilities. 

This is a natural part of the process. 

Just as a battery needs to be recharged, your faith may need to be revived. 

This can be a time of reflection, a moment to reconnect with the sources that initially sparked your faith.

Self-Reflection: Take time to understand what has caused your faith to wane. Is it a recent setback, a lack of support, or simply a period of doubt? Identifying the root cause can help you address it more effectively.

Seek Support: Reach out to those who have been a source of strength for you in the past. Sometimes, just talking about your struggles can reignite your faith.

Recommit to Your Goals: Revisit your goals and remind yourself why they are important to you. A renewed sense of purpose can be a powerful motivator.

THE CYCLE OF BELIEF AND RECEPTION

THE CYCLE OF FAITH IS A CONTINUOUS ONE. 

You believe, you act, you face challenges, and you recharge. Each cycle makes you stronger and more resilient. It’s a reminder that faith is not a one-time event but a journey. 

You must be willing to return to the sources that nourish your faith, to recharge, revive, and of course, believe and receive.

"Believe you can and you’re halfway there." — Theodore Roosevelt

In the end, faith is a muscle that grows stronger with use. The more you believe in yourself, the more you will achieve. So, the next time you feel your faith waning, remember that it’s just another step in the cycle. Embrace it, and let it lead you to new heights.

Going Through the Pain Often Requires More Pain

Going Through the Pain Often Requires More Pain: Think of It Like a Surgery

In our journey towards wellness, we often find ourselves facing difficult decisions that can feel daunting. When we subject ourselves to go under the blade, the band-aid, and eventually to the path of healing and wellness, we are embarking on a journey that demands resilience and strength. It is not merely a physical process; it is an emotional and mental one as well. As we navigate through this intricate landscape, we must remember that pain is not just a foe, but a necessary companion on our way back to joy.

Pain is a Necessary Path Back to Joy

The notion that pain precedes healing can seem counterintuitive, but it's an essential truth in the realm of recovery. Much like a surgical procedure, we must often endure a degree of suffering to achieve a greater purpose. When we are willing to embrace this truth, we begin to see pain not as an end, but as a vital step toward transformation.

Consider the process of surgery: the sharp discomfort that accompanies incisions is not the end goal, but a pathway to restoration. After surgery, we may experience swelling, bruising, and sometimes even more pain, yet we endure it with the hope of emerging healthier. Each stage of this journey tests our strength and resolve, yet with every challenge, we inch closer to our destination of wellness.

As we traverse through our struggles, it is imperative that we lean into the discomfort. This act of courage allows us to learn and grow. We often remind ourselves, “It’s okay to feel pain; it’s part of the process.” Just as a plant needs to push through the soil to reach the sunlight, we, too, must confront our struggles to experience the joy that awaits us.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” – Rumi

This beautiful quote by Rumi encapsulates the essence of our journey. It reminds us that through our wounds and challenges, we can discover profound insights and strength. Each setback becomes an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, our limits, and our capacity for healing.

Strength is Key

In this journey, we must acknowledge that we need to be strong to get past the process. This strength is not just physical; it’s a mental fortitude that allows us to face our fears head-on. Every decision we make to confront our pain is a step toward empowerment. We create our own narrative, choosing resilience over despair.

The road to healing is often paved with discomfort, but it is also filled with moments of clarity and joy. Each small victory we achieve, each scar that heals, becomes a testament to our journey. We must embrace this path with open hearts and minds, understanding that the struggles we face today are merely stepping stones toward a brighter tomorrow.

In conclusion, while the process of going under the blade and enduring the pain that follows may seem overwhelming, we must remember that every ounce of strength we gather propels us forward. Pain is indeed a necessary path back to joy, and by accepting this, we pave the way for healing and wellness. Together, let us face our challenges and emerge victorious on the other side.