Why I don't need your pity I need solutions

It’s a common human reaction, isn't it? To see someone struggling, to witness hardship, and feel that familiar pang in your chest. We call it pity.

We direct it towards the homeless person on the street, or perhaps in a more abstract way, towards victims of distant tragedies. 

But here’s the thing: I don't want it. And if you're truly looking to help, maybe it’s time we all understood why pity isn't what's needed. What's wrong with pity, you might ask? And is it even a virtue anymore? Pity often carries a subtle, yet significant, undertone of "I'm glad that's not me." 

It's an emotional response that acknowledges another's bad situation, but often from a position of detached superiority.

When someone pities you, it can feel demeaning. It can reduce you to your misfortune, rather than seeing you as a whole person capable of resilience and agency. 

Think about the distinction: 

Pity for a Stranger: We might pity a beggar, feeling bad for their situation, perhaps dropping some change. The interaction often ends there. 

It's an acknowledgment of suffering, but not necessarily a genuine desire to engage or empower.

Compassion for a Loved One: When a family member is seriously ill, disabled, or facing a long-term struggle, our reaction isn't usually "pity." It's compassion. This is a far deeper, more empathetic response. It's a feeling with them, a shared sense of humanity that drives us to actively seek ways to help, to support, to be present. 

The key difference? Pity is often passive; compassion is active. 

Consider a doctor. When faced with a patient suffering from a severe medical condition, a good doctor doesn’t pity them. They don't just feel sorry. 

They assess, they diagnose, and most importantly, they act. They bring their knowledge and skills to bear, working to find solutions and alleviate suffering. 

Their focus isn't on the unfortunate situation itself, but on how to change it for the better. Pity, in its raw form, often feels like what we resort to when we can't help, or perhaps, don't know how to help. 

It's a sympathetic sigh, a well-meaning head shake, but rarely does it bring about tangible change. 

So, if you see someone struggling, please understand: I don't need your pity. What I (or anyone facing hardship) truly needs are solutions. 

We need understanding, active support, and a collaborative spirit that says, "How can we work together to make this better?" Let's shift our focus from merely feeling bad for someone to actively working with them.

Let's trade passive pity for proactive compassion. Because in the end, solutions, not just sentiments, are what truly make a difference. 

If I knew what I know now (Freestyle verse)

If I knew what I know now

If I knew what I know now, I’d be ten steps ahead,  

Would’ve walked a different path, left the nonsense for dead.  

Would’ve studied the ledgers, learned the market instead,  

Not just rapping for respect but for generational bread.  

I was young, full of pride, never questioned the game,  

Chased the hype, not the hustle, now I’m shedding the shame.  

I mistook loud applause for a meaningful name,  

When the real ones move in silence, never flexing for fame.  

Should’ve read between the lines, not just rhymed for the sport,  

Would’ve built my own table, not just waited for forks.  

Could’ve learned from the greats, took the knowledge to court,  

Now I’m catching up in overtime, a scholar of thought.  

But regrets don’t pay bills, so I carry the weight,  

Turn my losses into lessons, every error is fate.  

Now I speak to the youth, put ‘em onto the stakes,  

If I knew what I know now, wouldn’t be running so late.  

men and valentines day

Do any man enjoy examinations?

As scholars we spend hours of study time burning the midnight oil in sophisticated silence of the night that is not so sinister to us (at least now more than ever) until the Early hours of the morning…oh my word the preparation is very unrelenting!

The anxiety can be so crippling, in learning institutions , the anticipation for those dreadful weeks in October and November starts as early as August. Facilitators ,Lectures, Professors and Tutors  stoke and embed distress by painting horrific images of the situation to be faced shortly. I for one have never come across anyone who is looking forward to being tested, I surely never enjoyed it not because I am afraid of getting educated but, the fear of failing. To be honest i am terrified of trying and not succeeding.

What is Valentine’s Day for men, if not another examination? A day meant to celebrate love have decayed into a commercialized mess because we’re told that we have to buy things to show how much we love our partners-The more expensive, the better. Because of the general concept of relationships, “it is the man who must make a plan “. It is expected of the dude to buy some kind of gesture to signify his love.

The worst thing about Valentine’s Day is the fact that it is embedded into the calendar and because the women knows it’s coming, the man cannot escape it. Because of the expectation and the understandable desire on the behalf of the man to make his woman happy, there’s tons of pressure to be creative and genuine. (If he is my kinda dude) he has to prepare, he has to deliver, the price for failing is bitter.

Ladies do you forgive your man if he somehow trip on V-day?... See what I mean? In his head, he is once more anxiously trying to cram the equations and formulas into his head for the statistics exam he has to face. Hold up… this is not to say that man are not romantic or do not want to be, but the absolute nature of V-day is very limiting. Not all chaps think that the best way to show their affection is a candlelit dinner and diamond rings or all these other cliché cards, glasses and teddy bear and roses…NO!

We are different and every relationship has its own unique traits. My significant other and I often go and hang out in parks or botanical gardens for picnics and get to observe nature,grab a bite and sip some while having face time (with the phone on flight mode of course ) . other couples go to art galleries, clubs or bungee jumping together. For many men, 14 February feels distressingly unspontaneous because they do things we wouldn’t do. I do not doubt there is also pressure from the women’s side to play along, to say “my bae did not do anything for V-day” would surely prompt a response full of sympathy.

It would help if V-day was treated just like a birthday, you see one isn’t expected to repeat the same thing every B-day over and over again. When thinking of buying a present, we imagine the recipient and try buy something meaningful. The best birthday gifts are somewhat personal and show that people care. The same thing cannot be said for yet another teddy with a heart and a rose.