I'm not so sorry

word

It has been brought to my attention that I have a habit of rubbing my success on others with a social standard lower than mine, well you may be wondering since when   do I pay mind to gossip , rumors or anything spoken behind my back ; those are signs of weakness from deep within.

Where I'm going with this is further back ; that is contrary to popular belief. Like what do you know about living in a one roomed home packed like sardines with both siblings and parents? Need i mention the generational gaps and the difficulties one would face just to take a bath ?

with parents unemployed and it seemed normal cause every single house hold have more unemployed people than the employed, neighbors frown and squirm in your presence because they expect you to beg or borrow something, its obvious they aren't welcome to that no more but you have to stick to the mandate.

I went through school with no lunch box money, full uniform or sufficient stationery i went through it all.While other kids were worried about DJ Careless's big bash... i had to learn how to fund-raise to support myself , seeing that the only income we have is my brother and mom's SASSA i had to sell Snacks and Sweets from primary to high school that went as far as contributing to the costs of my matric dance.

I developed foolish pride, i don't like people feeling sorry for me since then.
Don't help me with anything if you are going to tell everyone about it.
I care a lot about who gets to see me in certain emotional state, i don't like to react at all.
I have grown stoic .

As for dreams or thoughts of the future i had none except for going to bed with a full stomach and waking up with breakfast instead of leftovers, if there's anything i learned and perfected it has to be survival and how to stay driven.

Post high school life entails so many expectations and disappointments from oneself and the family, i went through that too.

Getting education and skills enough to get myself economically active was hard also but i had to soldier on, I remember 1 April 2015 I was too anxious and I experienced heart palpitations and thought its a heart-attack I wasn't ready to die for i knew my existences had a far lesser impact at the time.

I will not forget the days when i would leave home with an empty stomach to go volunteer my time and skills in an NPO just to help others grasp content, little did i know i will end up as a staff member @ TPY.

My grind  haven't been easy but they believed in me, identified me and invested in me and i am a product of it.

I can only imagine how hard it is for my friend Shabba to turn of his sound system for me to come and study at his place since mine is filled to the rafters (talk about being told what to do in your private space).

I left church for i saw that the time i wasted there wasn't appreciated,reciprocated or beneficial instead all its motives were financially driven to a point that if you are gullible ,less discerning and questioning you'd take offense.

I guess what i am trying to say is excuse me if i seem to be bragging about little success, it is called success because it did not come easy.

I was born with no master plan but i just happened to articulate my way to the future.

There is no success without sacrifices and i sacrificed a lot. I lost someone i thought i'd grow old with, I lost Pro Kid and my sanity.

www.instagram.com/Mohlalefi_SA