As more and more men are accused of sexual harassment, I am intrigued by the phrase “inappropriate sexual behaviour at work”. This implies another category of “appropriate sexual behaviour at work”. Someone must explain what fits into that category. Surely there is no sexual behaviour that would be appropriate for the workplace? Our language betrays us, and shows us that deep down, there is still a huge problem.
I’ll resurrect a controversial hashtag for this thought:#menaretrash For those who didn’t follow this hashtag a while ago, let me explain. Of course, not all men are trash. But how is a woman supposed to know if the man she’s currently speaking to is trash or not? Sure, if you look like Harvey Weinstein, you can take a good guess. But Dustin Hoffman, or Bill Clinton or Bill Cosby, or Kevin Spacey (ok, women weren’t really an issue for him, but you get the point)? So, for most women, the best advice is to treat all men as if they were a threat, until you can be sure they’re not. And can you ever be sure? Hence the hashtag.
For us men who are not trash, can we be sure we’re not? Have we never done anything ever to make a woman feel uncomfortable? Have we never told an off colour joke? Or had an off colour thought? Or maybe, even more importantly, when some other guy has done or said something inappropriate in the workplace, have we just let it pass or did we step in and do something? You see, maybe #menaretrash, and maybe that’s the problem.
I’m glad these men are being called out. But it reminds me that this is a systemic, endemic problem that I must own as my own problem, even down to the language I use to describe it, if we’re going to have any chance of raising a new generation of men who aren’t trash, and a new generation of women who don’t have to spend their lives in fear.
So, let’s make sure we don’t need the #menaretrash hashtag in the future. Let’s make sure we live in a way that ensures we show that #womenmatter.
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